Friday, August 27, 2010

A Strange Journey

I'm writing this blog as a fill-in/catch up/rejoicing that God has done some incredible things in the life of our family over the past year and half or so. So, in order for any of this to make sense let's buzz back to Spring 2009. Caleb and I , trying to decide what direction God may be calling us, began to research life as mission pilots. Or rather, a mission pilot and spouse seeing that I don't fly. We talked to several organizations, even met with a recruiter until May 5th, 2009. Happy Cinco De Mayo, Jill finds out she's pregnant. This exciting and terrifying news sent us on a whirl wind of questions and quests, as we were hoping that when we started a family I would be able to stay at home with our kids. And on Cinco De Mayo, 2009--that looked unlikely. Needless to say, a baby closed the mission pilot doors for the time being. I wasn't really ready to do my first baby experience in a 3rd world country. Sure, I'm a chicken. :)

Anyhow, with our news and our questions, we began seeking and praying that God would open a door for me to be a stay at home mom with our baby. Meanwhile, our due date drew closer and we were still doctoring 2 hours away from our current home. With no new job outlooks on the horizon for Caleb, we decided to move to Hillsboro. My job was a huge blessing because I was able to stay home to work often and it provided health insurance. We were also blessed that Caleb's self-employment as a flight instructor and painter allowed for us to move in between Emporia and Salina to be closer to our Dr and split the commute for both of us. How blessed I am to have a husband who put in some awfully long days there in Hillsboro. We rented a darling little house that the land-lords were willing to do on a month-to-month basis and about 5 weeks later, we brought our little boy home to it.

And that was when things got tough for me. Newell was born on the 5th of January and I knew my maternity leave was up the end of February. Granted some of this was probably complicated by postpartum, but I seriously couldn't even look at Valentine's displays in stores because I knew that was very close to when I would have to begin work. Caleb and I had decided that if I wasn't going to be able to be home all the time, we would alternate so that when I did have to make trips for work Caleb would stay with Newell. During those trips I would beg and plead with God to change something so that I didn't have to leave my sweet little boy. It absolutely tore me up. The days working at home weren't bad because he was with me, but being away from him was terrible. But rather than trusting God and His plan I badgered Him. I'd get angry. I'd cry. I felt very alone and childish and self centered. The only thing I could remember praying for consistently was a way to stay home with Newell. God opened my eyes to my selfishness but my heart was becoming hardened as I waited. Impatiently. In my head God was going to give me a way out before Newell was born. But then he was born and I was still working. Then I thought, surely by the time my maternity leave is over. And nothing... Then I thought, by the end of my contract, God will have something in store...but I watched that date slide near and I wasn't sure how I was going to handle it. But, I was feeling better about things. Newell was getting older and his time with his Dad was really good. I was working from home about 80% of the time and had quite a few vacation days on the horizon which would be good too. And honestly, I really liked my job. I worked with great people and enjoyed what I did. I just really missed my baby. And when I saw days on the calendar filling up with several days in a row that I was going to have to be away, it was painful.

But, 2 Timothy 2:13 says, "If we are faithless, he remains faithful--for he cannot deny himself." Little did I know that God was getting ready to show me this in a way I couldn't imagine...

Sometime that spring Caleb got a call from (hang in here now) his dad, who talked to a friend, who talked to a guy named Dick, who heard through the grapevine (yes as if this isn't grapevine enough!) that there was an opening for the manager at the El Dorado Airport and that Caleb might be interested. Caleb quickly called and checked into it, but the guy in charge said that they were almost done with the hiring process. They said he could turn in his resume, but they'd basically already hired their guy. Because at this point we're really good at jumping through hoops, we jumped and sent the resume anyway. They hired the other guy.

But then, several weeks later Caleb got a call from his Dad's friend who talked again to Dick who'd talked to someone who said the position was open and they were interested in Caleb but didn't know how to reach him. Thinking this whole thing was really weird but once again knowing we'd jumped through stranger hoops, Caleb sent out some feelers. Come to find out, the guy they had hired walked away for a better job 2 days into the Airport Manager position. Caleb was being looked at again. They called him for an interview and we tried not to hold our breath. Guessing what God's doing is never a game you're going to win. That much we'd learned. But, I had vacation to spare so Newell and I drove around a bit and looked at the town and did some shopping. Caleb got a second interview...

The next week, his job offer came in. As only God could arrange, he was taking a job that was going to let me stay home. We house shopped, packed up, bought a home, moved in, and are settling nicely. Newell started crawling the week we moved in mid-July and in the last 2 weeks has started pulling up to walking around--I can't imagine trying to get real work done with him motoring around the house, starting all sorts of mischief! But I don't have to because God was faithful. In blessing us in ways we do not deserve. Despite our questions, despite our doubts. His plan is greater than we can see in our tiny box. For those of you still with me reading, thank you. Thank you for your prayers, your love, your support during the challenging year or so of our life. We have learned so much but above all we have learned to be truly dependent on him. For He never fails us. And even when we feel alone, He is there.